The Hunger Games

The search for the Teenage Life of Jesus

The Universe and God got into a debate about what to do for kid Jesus (as the Universe was affectionately calling him at the time) in these times of trouble, traveling as He and kid Lucifer were in the desert with the food running out.

Because Luke was Satan’s son, of course he had to be called in on the conference; and this at once complicated things because Satan never shows up for a meeting over anything without being in a foul mood. He absolutely hates leaving hell. At first he refused to come and God had to command him.

Satan hates nothing more than being commanded.

“There’s too goddamn much to do down there,” he yelled at God when he got to the meeting room. (Satan is like that, he yells at God a lot. You’ll have to check my soon-to-be-released and exclusive Interview with The Devil if you want to know more about Satan’s various and peculiar habits.)

“How the HELL do you expect me to run this place when you keep calling me away for meetings?”

“How the hell indeed. I expect you to run it like hell.” As a professional employer, God was not in the least fazed by Satan’s antics. You have subordinates,” He pointed out. “Delegate. That’s what I do.”

“Demons and devils are idiots, in case you had’t noticed,” said Satan. “The last time you called me up to heaven for a meeting, when I came back they were planting flowers at the entrance to hell. Flowers in Hell. I ask you. You send us an endless stream of damned souls to torment and they’re planting flowers.”

“Not everyone likes gardening,” pointed out God. “Find the ones that don’t and assign them to it.”

Satan just stared at him bug-eyed, a look which Satan owns much turf on.

“It’s called creative thinking,” continued God patiently, ignoring the bug eyes which were colorfully extended on stalks. “You should try it some time.”

“Creation is your department,” said Satan, and sat down at the conference table in disgust, waving at an angel in the wings. “I need an espresso.”