The Burp of Buddha

La Commedia Doggia, or, Flaubie's Inferno

Ok, so now I am going to tell you details of Buddha’s early life. I was there for most of it because he got me as a puppy and I was alongside him for many of his experiences and escapades.

You may think it was a straightforward childhood but you’d be way way wrong. Unlike Jesus, Buddha was born into immense wealth which made it even harder than it might have been otherwise to attain enlightenment. Super duper hard. Because wealth and attachment to it is, after all, one of the most powerful obstacles to enlightenment known to mankind. It’s, like, numero uno.

Of course Satan knew this, and it was exactly why he built it into the picture—to make Buddha’s task as difficult as superhumanly possible. “Just doing my job,” as he explained to me later during my famous series of interviews.

Luckily, due to God’s foresight, Buddha had a good deal of elephant in him and it is just this kind of sheer bulk and power that’s needed to overcome attachments: so he was equipped to deal with it. Still, the attraction of being a rich and powerful young prince was crazy difficult to overcome.

For me, mind you, it was great. The dog food in palaces is absolutely terrific, and unlike humans we dogs are by default lovely, humble creatures so we need have no fear of attachments. We can bask in all the luxury we want to and then go right back to eating deer poop without so much as batting an eyelash.