Le Birth of Jesus, avec le Flaubert

The search through life for a little white dog

…I wasn't actually at the Nativity, but, hey, when he painted this Gerard David took artistic license and asked me to pose. Who was I to argue? I mean, at the time he owned me. It’s not like I could say no unless I wanted my kibble ration cut back. Besides, people like paintings much better when there are little white dogs in them, y’know, and David had to make a living, didn’t he?

Note the foreground. Even in those days, people knew you had to bring your own rolls of sanitary tissue when traveling to foreign places. As you can see, they made special baskets for that. Good thing in this case. Mangers are not known for the quality of their toilet facilities.

David was known for including important realistic details like this in his paintings, which is why we still enjoy looking at them today. Damn good painting this one, if I do say so myself.

We had lived in Bethlehem ever since the birth, and I suppose you’ll want to know about that. I wasn’t there, of course— I came into Jesus’ life somewhat later— but I heard all the details over and over again when Mary & Joseph got into arguments, and what they didn’t yell at each other the Universe filled me in on.

The yelling—

—Oh, you think Joseph and Mary were all holy and prayerful and of perpetually good disposition and everything and never had fights? Think again. Being a Holy Family puts a tremendous amount of pressure on everyone, let me tell you—

went something like this: