Smoke gets in your fur

I, Flaubert, am in the middle of being turned into smoked sausage. The atmosphere here in New York is so thick with Canadian smoke that I feel like a piece of bacon, only less flat.

  On top of that the Empire State Building in the background in this totally taken TODAY picture is like, whoah. And if you don’t know what “whoah” is, let me tell you a tale of whoah.

This will not be like the story of Whoah and the Ark, or, as I sometimes call it, “Whoaha Noah,” which is also the title of a doo-wop song done at Stax in the 60’s. No, it is the story of why earth’s forests are burning so enthusiastically.

Forests are burning mostly because they are flammable. This may come as a surprise to many people who think forests are mostly for David Attenborough to do nature films in, and are therefore flame retardant—because who the hell would ever want to see poor old David Attenborough racing around on fire screaming in the woods besides some totally sick maniac? and don’t you dare laugh at that—but yes they burn.