Race Day, Part I: Pyramid schemes

The teenage years of Jesus

Illustration: In earlier lifetimes I, Flaubert, loomed much larger than life in game-changing historical events such as the building of the great pyramid. Here a worker holds up an ancient rectal thermometer for my inspection. In those days the art of creating suppository thermometers of comfortable size had not yet been mastered. Because of this, many folks just chose to die when they got sick, in order to avoid having their temperature taken.

So the day of the great camel race dawned with Lucille in tears, Jesus in all-out full compassion mode, moi in my naked mole rat disguise (not my best look, to be sure) and Lucifer… Luke… well, I’m not sure where Luke was as everyone awoke. He never did tell me. The one thing was, we had all day to get ready for the race which was always run at night, temperatures around the great pyramid being what they were.

Speaking of temperatures. It isn’t well known in modern times, but the great pyramid was actually nothing more than a huge ancient thermometer. And of course no king was ever buried in it because no person in their right mind would ever want to be buried in a thermometer, duh. But as with all other things the origin of global warming was of course totally in ancient Egypt.