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Mea Culpa

Mea Culpa

The search for the Teenage Jesus

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Lee van Laer
May 25, 2024
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Mea Culpa
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All right, all right.

I admit, I got it wrong. So sue me.

Immediately after I pressed “post” on the last installment, the karmaphone started ringing off the hook. Usually I try to avoid answering it and just let it go to voicemail, because when karma calls it’s almost never good news. But the phone rang again and again and again until I had to answer the damn thing just to shut it up.

Of course it was the Universe.

“You’ve got to delete that last post,” it said in its black-hole voice. That’s always chilling and even rude IMHO, but the universe can be like that sometimes. Unfeeling, you know, as only a vast and unfathomable cosmos can be.

“Why?” I asked, racking my brains for what could get it so upset about the Mummy’s curse.

“Jesus doesn’t shave;” it said. “He never shaved.”

“Well, he shaved me,” I pointed out. “At the time I considered him my personal shaver.”

“I know that,” replied the Universe impatiently. “But what Jesus was known for… is known for… was… is… I keep getting confused about that you know… that he saves people.”

“Well, surely he shaved a few people too. What about that Lazarus guy, for example?”

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