Life, the Universe, and Corduroy

Life, the Universe, and Corduroy

Hanging with the universe in the Bardot, I’ve discovered that everything is oversold. Even the universe itself, much celebrated as being “infinite” and “Majestic” and “mysteriously endless and endlessly mysterious” by Carl Pagan and Neil Big-Ass Tyson and the like, is not really all that remarkable after all.

It turns out, for example, that the universe wears pants, and that it has to pull those pants on one leg at a time like any ordinary person. Not that I would know exactly of course because I’m a dog and only an idiot would think that a dog wears pants, even though some human idiots have made dog pants and I have seen these things, which just about guarantee your dog will wet his pants if he wears them, because we’re dogs, duh.

But I have watched the universe, which is overweight by a very wide margin due to all the dark matter it pigs down on a day-by-day basis, and I have seen it teeter over off-balance while standing on one leg and attempting to pull the corduroys up to its pants line and stick the other leg in.

BTW the universe favors corduroy for pants because the endless vastness of space is mostly a vacuum and it gets pretty goddamn cold out there in deep space when you are in thin britches.