Interviews with the Devil, Part IV

Outcasting

Illustration: Unwanted here. The devil casting Stalin and Hitler out of Hell.

In my series of interviews with satan—Stan, as I came to know him after he started to really let his horns down — I discovered he was actually rather modest, nothing like the vain horrible person (well, of course he wasn’t a person, but you know more or less what I mean) that he’s made out to be in folklore. He is in fact self-effacing, and relatively understated about his genius-level skills as a tormentor of sinners, which have made him the subject of many a famous painting and movie over the years as well as an assortment of important bluegrass and country rock songs, none of which he has ever asked for royalties for. He has collected a few souls here and there; but after all, that is his job, as he gently points out when I ask him about potential conflicts of interest.

In this interview, however, we were still kind of on sparring terms—he’s not very trusting— and he was defensive, thinking I would, as so many have done, throw him under the bus and do one of those in-the-gutter hatchet jobs journalists almost invariably deliver when asked to do a story about the devil.

I however am Flaubert; and those who know me know I never stoop to yellow (or in this case red) journalism of that kind. Non—non, jamais! I report only les facts.

The second interview was recorded verbatim by an egyptian cat scribe with excellent transcription skills. You can’t beat them.