Interview with the Devil, Part II: How he got the job

What did I expect? It doesn’t matter. This is what I got: Satan began the first session smoking a cuban cigar in sheer defiance of the indoor smoking rules in New York City.

“How I got the job was like this,” he said. “There was some kind of thing…”

“Be more specific,” I advised him. ”Your audience will want to know details. What kind of a thing was there?”

”It was like a huge explosion thing,” Satan continued. “At first right before it there was nothing there and then sudden bang, everything was there.”

“Big bang,” I wrote in my notes.

“So, were you there before the bang?” I asked because surely this was going to be of great interest to all the readers especially the physicists and astronomers.

“I don’t remember,” said Satan. “I think it knocked me out. When I came to I couldn’t remember anything that had happened before. There were all these super-hot gasses and stuff around me. And angels.”

“Uh huh.” This was going nowhere fast, I thought to myself. I was maybe going to have to make shit up. Fortunately that is one of my best skills.

“Then God came strolling along through the neighborhood.”

“Why was He strolling through the neighborhood?”

“I think He was there for damage control. The whole cosmos was an incredible mess after the Big Bang thing. He had to establish order, make stars, all that stuff. Anyway he passed me there lying face down on the surface of a gas giant. His angels picked me up and dusted me off. I was pretty groggy. My eyebrows  had been singed off by the protoplasmic fusion. It was crispy.

“How would you like a job?” Asked God.

“What’s a job?” I asked him. The fact that I had to ask him that made me believe that maybe I hadn't been there before the Big Bang, but I'll never be sure.

"It's where you work and get paid for it,” said God. “In the universe, everyone has to have a job."

“Who says that?" I asked. “I mean, everything around here looks brand new. There's no precedent, is there?"

‘’ I'm God,“ said God. “I have ordained that everyone has to have a job. In fact, I have a good one for you. How would you like to be Satan and rule over hell?”

“What’s hell?” I asked him. Frankly speaking the interview was moving very quickly, and I was having trouble following it. God can be very pushy when he's in a hurry, and right after creation was accomplished, he was in the biggest hurry ever. He had trillions of slots to fill.

“It's like a whole kingdom,“ said God. “You will rule it, and have limitless power.”