Cretaceous interruptus

Flaubert in Purgatory

Flaubertotype: The conference of the turds, as it was later to be called.

Before I recall my story about my visit to the Great Snake in the Garden of Eden in order to find out what God meant when He said "the work of the soul is never done,” I thought I might clear up a few details about Adam and Eve and the role of the Great Snake and what’s often called "the downfall of humanity," beginning with their expulsion from the Garden of Eden (which wasn't, as you shall see, technically an expulsion or a downfall) and the population of earth by human beings in their many billions.

As is usually the case, nothing about this story is anything like what you hear from the scientists, Bible thumpers, etc. Fortunately, you have me to set the record straight, you lucky human, you, and since dogs are incredibly faithful and reliable, you know you will be getting the true story from me, Flaubert. I may not be as great as the snake, but I am mucho fluffier. And I was there for all of it. (Check the lower left hand corner of the above Flaubertotype if you don’t believe me.)

The first thing I should perhaps explain, which will already set your teeth on edge and begin to bother you quite a bit, is that in Purgatory – the place where all species of all creatures all across the Multiversal Unicosmos have their ultimate origin and end –all dinosaurs are purple. This fact, of course, leaked out onto the planet earth through that sieve-like structure referred to as the collective unconscious of mankind. Daemons have been trying to plug leaks in the collective unconscious ever since it first emerged as a rupture in the piping between heaven and earth, but no conclusive fix has ever been found. In the meantime, purple dinosaurs made it onto television. The rest is history.

In any event, I know you expect much more than soliloquies about what color platonic dinosaurs are, and you shall get much much more.

This is the story of how human beings actually replaced dinosaurs on the planet earth.