Climbing Mt. Golana

La Commedia Doggia, or, Flaubie's Inferno

Well, you know, there were complaints.

People wanted to know things that Jesus told me, which I left out of The Teenage Years of Jesus until late in the narrative. So now I suppose I’ll start early by telling you a few things that the Buddha told me. In order to do that I’ll need to skip ahead in the story a bit, but you’re infinitely patient with the whole ADD thing, correct?

No?

Ok, then. But you’ll just have to deal here.

He told me this particular thing while we were in hell. We had already traveled many leagues from the bottom of hell, which paradoxically is located on one of the highest peaks in hell, Mount Golana. Mount Golana is planted upside down, which makes it extremely difficult to climb from the peak. You gotta imagine it. Only in hell can they balance mountains upside down.

From where we began, we were always going up a slope that stretched out over our heads at an angle, so that Siddhartha (for he was still the prince, as he had not attained enlightenment yet) had to climb using only his hands, with his feet hanging down over an abyss that grew ever greater as we went upwards.

This was already the first great trial of the Lord Siddhartha, which required superhuman efforts. He had to tie himself to the cliff face with ropes at the end of each day in order to rest; and we spent each night suspended in the air, swinging in the icy wind. It is a common misconception that hell is hot, but hell has all kinds of weather… all of them bad.