Beyond Dog Pay Grade

After the Mithragoth incident, as it came to be known in heaven (whose angelic population was watching Jesus’ every move with rapt attention, as were all the demons in hell) things settled down for a while. The kids around Jesus acknowledged he was chill; he no longer had to prove himself. Becoming an accepted part of the crowd—not quite the in crowd, mind you, but kind of an accepted periphery figure—had its rewards. He no longer had weasel bullies stealing his lunch, and girls were willing to consider dates. My job as chaperone became, for a few brief moments, easier.

It didn’t last long.

The issue with dating was difficult, because the cosmopolitan nature of Bethlehem made for a wide variety of girls to be available; and while Mary pretty much insisted Jesus date only nice Jewish girls from vetted families, there were far more pagan girls available; girls from Egypt, from Persia, from even father afield. Even girls of dark skin from Ethiopia and further south, with exotic braids and glass bead necklaces, and a smattering of silk-clad oriental babes whose fathers were importers from India and China.

It was a veritable smorgasbord. To make matters even more complicated, Jesus did not strictly see himself as a Jew. Sure, he was raised Jewish; but when you are sent to earth to take responsibility for the spiritual welfare of all mankind you can’t realistically be expected to limit your social circles, let alone the girls you date, to Jews alone. It just wasn’t possible; and while Mary, being the practical type, pretty much knew that, it also went against every fiber of her inherently Jewish being. You don’t get over being Jewish just because God appointed you to have His only Son.

Frankly speaking, Jesus was trustworthy. Mary didn’t trust him; which is strange, because she knew all along He was God’s chosen Son, and that you could trust Jesus like nobody else. I certainly did; but that’s the way dogs are. Loyal, my friend, we are indestructibly loyal.